Multiplicity – A Prologue

In this series, I will attempt to present my background through my lived experiences, in the way they make sense to me. These stories meld together to create my life. My memories. My history. My story is not specifically profound; yet, I demand to be documented – to be heard, rather. It’s a privilege we share, you and I. While only some will claim this potential for eternal existence, I encourage it for all – especially those of us occupying minority perspectives.

How I wish to hear the stories of my ancestors – cultural and familial. Were they queer? How did religion impact them? How did queerness exhibit itself in their lives? What codes did they speak in? How did they know? Were they scared? Did they think about gender? What inspired them? What was their sex like? What influenced their identity? When did they become aware of their nonconformity?

Questions of this hue most often go unanswered, but it is high-time to begin taking record, keeping count, filling archives, and becoming un-erasable. Our existence is meek, yet important. Our stories are varied, yet significant. Our lives are mundane, but beautiful.

In preparation for mine own introspection and vulnerability, I asked, what lives at my core? When I think about my upbringing, what was consistent? Many things of course. I was middle-class [actually, low-income?], had a traditional family [actually, interracial?], went to public school [actually, threatened with private school?], was white [actually, white-passing?], was straight [actually, gay?]. Retrospectively, it is clear, I have always insisted upon my right to be multiple. Still today, I insist upon my multiplicity, only separated from my past by self-awareness. I welcome you to the first story, in this series of many:

Father, Son, & Hannah Montana – I am surrounded by multiplicity.

In 2014, my dad (also named Joseph/Joe) took me and my best friend Kayla to Miley Cyrus’s Bangerz World Tour at the former Sprint Center in Kansas City, Missouri. This concert is one of many, but namely the first, that altered how my life would function moving forward.

On August 12th – the day before Kayla and I’s first day of 8th grade – I remember waking up around 11am. Today was the day I had been waiting months for. You see, Miley was originally scheduled to visit KC in mid-April, but after her dog, Floyd, died, Miley fell ill and was hospitalized. I did not have tickets to the April show, but I had just begun toying with the idea of purchasing the ones available via resale. Days before the April concert, Miley would reschedule due to physical and mental health. Though fear and sadness consumed me on Miley’s behalf, immediately I knew that this was my chance.

After pleading with my parents — notably a more difficult task after Miley’s 2013 VMA’s performance – my mom (Tammy) agreed to let me go, if Joe would agree to chaperone. It took weeks of pleading and assurance that I was going because “I think Miley is so hot”, but finally, Joe agreed. I looped Kayla in, and tickets were purchased. I know not how I had $89 for a lower bowl ticket, but I am grateful every day that I did.

Bangerz saw Miley Cyrus’s creation of her own dichotomy: Pre-Hannah & Post-Hannah. Even Can’t Be Tamed was packaged neat and politely under Disney’s record label. It was the infamous haircut that split the timeline into two. Post-Hannah Miley was confident, bold, and outspoken. She demanded attention, and asserted that her ‘old self’ was dead. Witnessing Miley perform her most authentic presence yet empowered my own comfort in dichotomy. I, too, could change my entire existence at whim; I, too, could be multiple – and that, is a quite powerful idea.

So powerful even, that the world’s best-selling book, The Holy Bible, hinges on this same concept. God, or at least the Catholic-schema of god, is trichotomous. They are the father, the son, and the holy spirit. God is multiple, and many, while also singular, and one. God is so multiple that even when they occupy the singular, they are occupying the multiple. Again, this idea holds power. The Bible itself is dichotomous, split into the old and new testaments. And multiplicitous in that it’s not one story, it’s many. Books from dozens of different authors conglomerating into one, large, powerful, multiplicitous story.

A Catholic upbringing would likely have already prompted my comfortability to the multiple; However, I cannot remember a time when I held devotion, respect, or gave authority to ‘my’ faith. As early as 2nd grade – the sacrament year of reconciliation and communion – I was aware of my doubt for Catholicism. Any concepts taught during my weekly CCD class (Confraternity of Christian Doctrine – school for the partially secular) were lost on me, including the multiplicity of it all.

Thus, when I saw Miley Cyrus embracing her own multiplicity, it resonated. This, however, was not Miley’s first bout with dichotomy; Her career is founded on it. Hannah Montana, the fictional teen-pop sensation from Disney’s 2006 hit show of the same name, was a typical-girl by day and superstar by night. Miley is outspoken about the negative impacts this dichotomous gig had on her – from eating disorders to depression. Compounded by the fact that the ‘normal’ side of Hannah shared Miley’s first name, she was forced to question which dysphoric version of herself was reality.

The dichotomy only flipped, yet deepened at the Bangerz World Tour, where Miley would perform two sets: one of trap-heavy pop anthems & one of acoustic country and folk covers. She embraced the sensationalization of her life while simultaneously respecting her toned-down artistic roots. Between images of dancing dildos and promotion of kink, the audience was brought to tears by a 50-foot inflatable of the late Floyd. Miley sang Dolly Parton’s Jolene, wore a unitard covered in marijuana, and rode around on a giant hotdog. She enforced that she was no longer singular. She was no longer to be known as the girl who played Hannah Montana, but instead, She Is Miley Cyrus. And she owns her right to be multiple.

I constantly wonder what Joe thought of the dancing vibrators, how he felt about the orgy that occurred on stage during #GETITRIGHT, and how he felt about the audience swapping spit during Adore You.

What I do know, is that anytime Miley Cyrus is brought up around my father, he will rave about her acoustic set in 2013.

Still I am curious, when he drove me to Walmart on October 8th, 2013 to purchase Bangerz (Deluxe) before heading to an amusement park an hour away for my 13th Birthday, did he listen to me sing about taking lines in the bathroom in We Can’t Stop, making a movie in My Darlin’, or feeling like I got no panties on in #GETITRIGHT? Did he tune it all out?

Though I may never be certain, I do know this: Joe, my father, also insists upon his right to be multiple; Simply, less outwardly than I do. He takes on the face of his company: who he is relies solely on who he is surrounded by. Around me, Joe is loving, caring, supportive; Around my family, he is strong, willing, and able; Around his friends, he is a leader, sporty, and intelligent.

My father took me, his son, to witness the holy spirit in 2014.

He is multiple, yet he will not claim it. Will you?